just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
