Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
