My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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