so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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