Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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