alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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