did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
