im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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