he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
