He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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