why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
