I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
why is half of my head shaved?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
