Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize