i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
