I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
