i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
