At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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