If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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