I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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