How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize