On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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