9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
