just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
