pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
