You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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