I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
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BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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