oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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