Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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