I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
