My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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