Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
