Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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