Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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