there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
