i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
