dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
