I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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