What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
