mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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