My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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