and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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