other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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