i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
