I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
