I can feel you judging me through the phone.
high people should be assigned attendants
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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