I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
