first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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