not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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