I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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