I don't usually arrange sex via text message
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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