Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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