He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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