the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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