I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
