I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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