i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I met the friendliest cop last night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
