ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
