he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
