A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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