He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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