Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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