Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
