I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
