and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
