You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
