'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
